What I Learned About Being a Good Affair Partner
Like I’ve said before, I’ve been on every side of an affair: the cheater, the cheated on and the cheated with. I want to focus on what I learned about being a “good” affair partner with a married woman. Most of this is probably intuitive but that doesn’t mean that it shouldn’t be said. Much of what I learned is from my mistakes.
Be available because you never know when she’s going to find herself with time on her hands that could be put to good use. When she gives her husband the go ahead to play 18 holes of golf, you need to be prepared to drop the plans that you already made to meet your paramour. Being the lover means that you have to be flexible with your time…it also means dealing with disappointment on a regular basis as plans will suddenly change (sudden thunderstorm ends hubby’s round of golf) and she has to cancel. Get used to sitting by the phone.
Don’t be demanding, you’re going to be thankful for every minute you’re allowed to spend with her and nothing else. You’re going to have to be satisfied with the time she creates for you, no matter how much more you want. There’s nothing less sexy than a whiny man who buzzes around like a mosquito demanding attention. She is going to go on vacation with her family, go out of town with her husband or a girl’s weekend with her friends and you’re going to be left wondering what she’s doing because she won’t have as much contact with you, don’t. This is the lot you chose: you get what you get and don’t throw a fit.
Be invisible, don’t leave any clues that can raise suspicions such as cards, gifts, underwear, passion marks, etc. You’re not going to be able to talk about your relationship with your usual support group. Most people don’t look favorably on people who participate in extramarital affairs…which will leave you feeling alone and isolated. Don’t give or expect gifts, you’re not going to get them, and she’s not going to keep them. Save your money for hotel rooms. No pictures together so don’t ask. When her husband confronts you, lie. There’s no point in doing anything else. If you declare your undying love, it’ll only make it harder for you to be together or worse, she’ll stop seeing you altogether.
Don’t be jealous, you knew the situation when you began and if you think she’s going to dedicate her life to the side guy, you’re wrong. You may wonder if she’s seeing anyone else on the side, that’s fair. But you shouldn’t expect her to be “monogamous” with you, because she isn’t and never will be even if she says she is.
As an affair partner, your role is to support your “coupled” partner and make their primary relationship tolerable. If you don’t forget that, you’ll enjoy a low-touch relationship with (hopefully) amazing sex with a partner looking for new experiences.
