Thoughts on Chastity after six months…
I write this on my 18th day without an orgasm and 193 days into my chastity relationship/experiment with my wife. To quickly recap, I felt like our marriage was dying on the vine and wanted to do something, anything to improve our trajectory. I did some research and felt that male chastity would be a way to address some of the underlying issues in our marriage…so far I’d have to say that it has. My wife feels heard (more, I’m a work in progress) and feels that she has the voice to demand to be heard. I focus more on her, our home and our family. So I’d like to take the time to share a couple of key insights that I’ve had in this time.
The Introduction
When first introducing the idea of chastity to your sig other don’t do what I did, which is start deep-diving into the topics of male chastity/FLRs (Female Lead Relationships) then come to her as a subject matter expert dead set on doing it if you haven’t already got your cock in a cage when you bring it up. My recommendation is this, in a relaxed environment bring up the fact that there is something you’d like to try then articulate why. I say “try” because in most cases whether or not you move forward depends on their response. There are spouses who might allow outsourcing the keyholder role, but I wouldn’t count on that.
Once you’ve articulated the “problem” you’re trying to solve, it’s time to introduce the “solution.” You may want to wait to buy the cock cage or even mention it at this point, share some articles on male chastity and the benefits instead. The message you want to communicate is your dedication to your partner, your desire to focus on their happiness and pleasure by limiting some of the traditional ways that you experience pleasure (stimulating your penis). Hopefully, your partner understands the trust that you’re expressing when you ask them to be your keyholder. You may want to emphasize the benefits to them, and how dedicated you are to their happiness and pleasure, which is likely to be different than what you’re thinking. Ask your sig other what you can do to increase their happiness, you may find that you’ll be doing more in the way of service (cooking, cleaning, taking care of the laundry, etc.) than you will in sexual servitude and that’s ok. For my wife/MKH, it is mostly that. I do the grocery shopping, the cooking, cleaning in the kitchen, cleaning in the mistress bedroom and bathroom, running errands, etc. The approach coming into this should be one of supporting your keyholder in any way she needs. In fact, I try to anticipate MKH’s needs/desires before she has to express them and taking the drudgery out of her life. You shooukld also work with your keyholder to establish rules that you will follow and the consequences if you don’t; this should be a living document. With any luck you’ve done a good job of selling this to your sig other, it should be easy…now it’s time to lock it up.
Time to buy a cage
I highly suggest shopping together either in person, if you’re comfortable with that, or online. Many times MKH and I have shopped together in our local sex shop. It’s sexy and exhilarating; it feels like something you shouldn’t do. MKH always likes to chat up the help, which is a group of open-minded young women. The reason I suggest shopping together is because you’re going to find out a lot about cages and your partner at the same time. You’ll find “basic” cages made out of silicone that are made to be light-weight and comfortable, cages that are 3d printed and are of a more sturdy plastic and finally, metal cages that can go from mild to intimidating. For this discussion, I’m going to leave out all the exotic chastity devices. I feel like a cage with a catheter tube or a fufu clip is for someone further along the journey than me.
Next is the metal cage, my preference, it’s secure and easy to clean. It may take a few tries to get the fit right; I suggest starting off smaller than you think you need. Trust me, you’ll fit. One thing to consider is the type of a base ring you’ll need. The base ring is the ring that goes around the base of the cock and balls that attaches to the cage. My boys hang close to my body making fixed rings impossible to get on, so I use a hinged ring which ensures a snug fit. The silicone sleeve keeps the pivot point from pinching. You can buy similar cages that have additional features like ball separaters, anal hooks and spikes, if you want a more “punitive” experience.
Getting ready
Wearing a cock cage is going to take some preparation and “training.” Once you’ve found a cage you can live in, I’m going to suggest that you trim your pubes. They will get caught in whatever there is to get caught on and there is no pain like having your pubes pulled out. You don’t have to shave to the skin but trimming down to 2–3mm should keep you from any unwanted surprises. A secondary effect of keeping your pubes shaved is the feeling of submissiveness you’ll get every time you trim your pubes or even look at your caged cock.
Start off wearing your cage for a few hours at a time working up to wearing it all day. Now comes the tricky part, wearing the cage when you sleep. I don’t have trouble wearing it for naps but at night I would get involuntary erections (all men do) that would wake me up. My wife prioritizes her sleep over me wearing a cage at night, so we’ve agreed that I take off the cage before bed and put it back on in the morning. If you decide that you want to wear your cage 24/7, my recommendation for dealing with involuntary erections is to get up and pee, that usually resolves the situation. And while we’re talking about urinating, you should probably start sitting to keep from making a mess. It also has the secondary effect of reinforcing your submission as well as helping you empathize with women who need to sit for their needs.
My Keyholder
My wife has been fantastic throughout this journey. She has recognized when it was difficult for me (last few days of Locktober) and been sympathetic if stern. When we began this journey, she was reluctant in part because she’s in grad school and really busy. She loves being kinky but wasn’t willing to add more to her plate at the time. I found a book, Male Chastity: A Guide for Keyholders and a blog, Female Led, that we both have read to inform the structure of our relationship. On this journey, I’ve watched my wife become strong leader who is loving, caring and firm. She’s willing to push herself and me so that we become even closer. The communication between us has improved greatly as well as my vulnerability.
Be Self Directing
If you’re expecting constant interaction or to be told what to do all the time…you may not want to pursue this as a lifestyle. As I said, MKH is really busy and doesn’t always have time to lead me around. I proactively look for what needs to be done and will please her then do it. I have my routines for how I take care of MKH and our home. And as far as myself, I have a workout and grooming routines I maintain as well as an edging regimen that I keep up so that MKH can focus on her priorities, I get to feel the pleasure of being sexually frustrated and maintain my “drive” for MKH.
So nearly a week out from 200 days in chastity, I’ve learned a lot and expect to learn more as time goes on. I say that because I know MKH is never going to want to go back. She loves knowing my cock and orgasms are locked up by her, that makes me very happy.
Feel free to add anything you’ve discovered in your own chastity journey or leave a question.
